In 2024, I gave a lot of keynotes, teaching audiences how to advocate for their ideas, their value, and themselves. And the most frequent question I got, by far, was, “How can I be confident without bragging?”
You may have the same question. Confidence isn’t your challenge. You know you’re good, smart, experienced, talented, and ready. But you aren’t sure how to communicate it without appearing arrogant, conceited, or bragging. Here are three keys to show confidence without bragging.
Focus on your solution and not on yourself.
If you had the cure for cancer, I hope you’d sing it from the mountaintops. I hope you’d interrupt conversations, push your way onto stages, and cold call every hospital you could. You’d be so intent on sharing your solution to an enormous problem that your ego would have no choice but to take the back seat. You’d know this was about your solution–the cure for cancer–and not about you.
When communicating your confidence, let it be about the solution you provide, not you. This will help you from feeling like you’re bragging. For example, if you’re applying for a job, focus on how your experience and skills solve the employer’s challenges. Instead of saying, “I’m a top performer in sales,” say, “My strategies increased revenue by 25%, solving critical budget shortfalls.” Shift the spotlight to the problem you’re solving and the value you’re bringing—not yourself.
You may not have the cure for cancer. But you have the cure for someone’s problem, and as long as you focus on how excellent that solution is rather than how amazing you are, you won’t feel like you’re bragging. Let your confidence in the solution shine through; no one will think you’re bragging. They’ll think you’re a hero.
When Trying to Show Confidence Without Bragging Focus on Credibility, Not Confidence.
For 20 years, I defended providers in medical malpractice cases. I learned that credibility wins. Without credibility, it didn’t matter how prepared, smart, experienced, or confident my witnesses were. The jury had to believe them for us to earn our win.
You have a jury, too. They’re anyone you want to influence or persuade. Your jury gives you your wins. And they need you to be credible. Credibility is the sense that someone is believable or trustworthy. Confidence is the sense that they’re self-assured. People want to know they can believe you and trust you. Once that’s true, confidence follows.
To avoid feeling like you’re bragging, focus more on what makes you believable or trustworthy. It might be your experience, training, or talent. Sometimes, this focus on credibility makes people feel less confident because they don’t have the experience, training, or talent. Then go get it. Confidence won’t make up for a lack of credibility for long, and if you’ve lost someone’s trust, it’s hard to get it back. Credibility leads to confidence, but confidence doesn’t lead to credibility. If you have to choose between the two, credibility always wins.
Focus on your tone.
Think about the last time you heard someone brag, and try to hear their voice in your head. What is their tone of voice, and how does it make you feel?
Now, think about the last time you were with someone truly confident. What was their tone of voice, and how did it make you feel?
Most of the time when someone is bragging, they actually aren’t feeling very confident at all. In fact, they’re feeling insecure and small and using bragging to feel bigger. It’s a lie, and tone of voice is the greatest lie detector.
I’m obsessed with tone of voice, and one of my favorite studies (yes, I have favorite studies) is out of Yale. It tells us that you can learn more about a person’s emotion from their tone of voice than from their body language and facial expressions combined. People can hide their emotions from their bodies but not from their voices.
When you want to appear confident without bragging, check in with yourself. Are you genuinely feeling confident? If you have the experience, training, and talent to back up your words, your voice will sound confident and credible, not conceited or arrogant. People will believe you have the solution to their problem because they hear it in your voice. They’ll trust you’re credible because your voice will tell them so.
Most of the time, if you’re self-aware enough to worry that you might come across as bragging, you don’t sound like you’re bragging. But you might sound worried and worried doesn’t sound confident.
Get grounded in your solution and your credibility, and make the case for what you want.
That’s how you earn your wins.
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